| 100x100 pixel icons |
[04 Jul 2009|05:58pm] |
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mood |
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 busy |
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Offering pixel LJ icons, 15$ a piece
I can do pretty much anything, though I'm a little rusty on things like objects and mechanical things, but other than that I can do dragons, animals, creatures, anthros, humans, whatever. Only taking payments through paypal ATM, paypal is armaina@gmail.com. I won't really need payment until I'm ready to start on the icon itself, this just helps me keep things in order. Just respond with what you would like such as a bust or full body and descriptions/ref sheets.
Examples:
  
Slots Available:
1. ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) mistystriker
2. camarillo_drago
3.
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| $5-10 colored sketch commissions |
[03 Jul 2009|09:10pm] |
I'm offering some quick, colored sketch commissions for $5-10 each. Busts are $5, and full bodies are $10.
Bust Examples:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/2430392/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/2468523/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/2430429/ (This one is a bit more than just a bust...)
The sketches are done in my sketchbook, then scanned and colored in digitally. You will receive a high-res file, either jpg, png, or psd. Payment must be sent through paypal before I start on your commission. Provided nothing keeps me from getting onto my computer, expect your commission to be finished in a week, maximum.
I'm willing to draw pretty much anything that isn't fetish/yiff, but keep in mind that I am not very comfortable drawing male anthros. I will draw nudity so long as it isn't explicit. I am most comfortable drawing canines and female anthros, but I'll attempt most any species.
You can contact me either at minudooey@gmail.com or at my FA: http://www.furaffinity.net/user/minuluffs/
Please either comment here, shoot me an email, or PM me on FA if you are interested in a commission.
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| Art for Trade |
[03 Jul 2009|06:44pm] |
Hello, I'm Kensan Oni, and I could use your help.
My family is in dire straights at the moment. Due to an error with paperwork, my father was denied unemployment insurance. While we are sure his appeal will go through and correct the issue, that leaves the family completely broke, and me waiting on temp agencies to get through for me.
We really could use Gift Cards for food, right now. You probably could use some art that you could show regular people, too. Here is what I'm offering.
In exchange for $20 gift cards to Target, Walmart, and Safeway, or a Visa Gift Card, I will create a 9"x12" Wildlife Watercolor illustration for you. One animal, simple background, similar to my samples.
Samples:
http://kensanoni.deviantart.com/art/Zebras-126452205
http://kensanoni.deviantart.com/art/Blue-Whale-2-124771905
http://kensanoni.deviantart.com/art/Giraffe-2-Mother-s-Care-122991748
http://kensanoni.deviantart.com/art/Day-and-Night-Koi-Part-3-118229772
http://kensanoni.deviantart.com/art/Grizzly-1-110360256
I also, of course, will consider performing more traditional G Rated Furry artwork, also. I just prefer working with Wildlife and Animal images at the moment.
If you can help out, please contact me. I really appreciate any consideration for this call.
Thank you,
Kensan_Oni
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| RMFC 2009 Special Edition Badges! |
[03 Jul 2009|02:59am] |
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mood |
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 artistic |
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music |
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Repo! The Genetic Opera Soundtrack |
] |
Headed to Rocky Mountain Fur Con this year? Want a rad new badge to go with the 'Wild Night on the Town' theme? I may have just the thing for you!
RMFC 2009 Special Edition Badges
These badges are day glow, UV reactive and glow in the dark! They measure approx. 6x4" and two colors (choose from green, yellow, pink, purple and blue). Pre-orders for pick up at the con are now open for $25! The badges will also be available at the con for $35. To pre-order a badge, send an e-mail to "Commissions --at-- blacklitespecial --dot-- com"!
See you at the con!
Down and gone,
~Laken
...who will have a dealer's table at the con!
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| Commissions |
[02 Jul 2009|03:56am] |
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mood |
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artistic |
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I am currently taking commissions for simple 100x100 character portrait icons like these for $5.00 each and full body character sketches (example below) for $6.00.
I will NOT draw anything that would have an over PG rating.
I will draw anthro, non-anthro, Pokemon, whatever.
Please comment or email me at nintendofreak4ever@gmail.com me if you would like one. Please provide a reference image so that I know what to draw. 
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| Logo contest |
[02 Jul 2009|01:45am] |
Hello, I'm representing Skytrain Security and Logistics,
We are looking for artists for a logo contest for our company and, being a partner, I've decided to first turn to the fur community for this. Any artists in the Southern Californian region interested in doing a logo contest for this start up company, please contact me at aim:madmeerkat745 or my business phone at 707-227-2741 (aim preferred). The prize money is 200$ and contest is over on August 1st. Further details will be given to those that express interest.
Thank you,
Surikat
Edit: We've met the conditions we were looking for, thank you for your time and advice.
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| Free arts |
[01 Jul 2009|01:34pm] |
Ugh, I have to stop letting my self get so bored. Any one interested in free art? I haven't decided whether it will be traditional or digital, but it might be a little of both. The more the merrier, just comment below with either a reference or a good description. Here is a link to examples of my Art
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| I'm awake, I'm awake!! |
[01 Jul 2009|06:55am] |
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mood |
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 grumpy/groggy |
] |
Well, any moment now I'm up and out the door. Didn't sleep as well as I wanted to these past two nights, but what can you do. I never sleep particularly well. Joel recently told me I look so tired that I look like I have extra eyebrows under my eyes. Haha. Well, that's flattering.
Anyway, I should GET UP AND GO (YeAH!)
See you in a week.
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| Custom Sticker Commissions OPEN - Round 2 |
[01 Jul 2009|03:48am] |
I'm offering more custom sticker design commissions if anyone is interested! Below are the results of the last round.
More details can be found in my journal: Click for more!
Already filled one spot, hoping to fill the last four soon so that I can get started on them. =)
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| Artist Support - Help Artists Community! |
[30 Jun 2009|07:54pm] |
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) artistsupport is a new community made solely to help out artists who are in need of financial help. Artists and supporters of artists are more than welcome to join!
(if this is not allowed, please feel free to delete this, thanks!)
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| Help with conversion to PDF file! |
[30 Jun 2009|03:06pm] |
Hi, does anyfur have recommendation on how to convert from a tiff, or other graphic file, to a pdf? I need to scan drawings to prepare and give to a printer; and they require PDF files. They can do it, but it would be an extra charge, and my money is really tight for this project. I see that there are a number of free downloads available that claim to do the job, but I do not know if they are reliable or safe. Can you recommend a reliable download, or at least warn me of any downloads to avoid?
Basically, I need to be able to tweak the drawings a little bit, i.e. remove specks and rough spots, and smooth out scanner jaggies, before converting to a PDF file for printing.
Also, can anyone recommend a good tutorial website for newbies wanting to learn how to prep comic book art, both colour and b&w, for printing; you know, so everything is the right size, layout, and anything else the printer would require? I do not have much in the way of software, just GIMP, and some basic photo editing software, but I am guessing that would be enough.
Any help would be greatly, GREATLY, appreciated. I have to learn fast since I need to prep this in the next few weeks.
Thank you!
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| ? |
[30 Jun 2009|12:22pm] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
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I just woke up about ten minutes ago feeling absolutely panicked. Not even worried, just that yucky heart racing feeling. I hope it's just something I ate and when I have some breakfast it will go away. Blah. I had one cup of coffee yesterday and I've been paying for it for 24 hours!!! I should just avoid the stuff like the plague.
Anyway, off to drive around and do the ten thousand things I need to do today!!!
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| And... |
[30 Jun 2009|02:45am] |
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The only sound I hear right now is the brook outside my window.
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| A bit of the old starry eyes, a bit of jadedness. |
[30 Jun 2009|01:24am] |
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mood |
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 peaceful |
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I know, I'm behind, but I just discovered Hanson's Twitter account. It reminds me of why I love them and now it makes me kind of miss them the way I miss an old friend. I think it just cements all those things I've been saying about how they've really grown up with their fans online and actually make real attempts at interacting that aren't like a blatant marketing scam. I don't know. I guess I just admire them, still, after all these years, because they've never been afraid to just be real. Even if their version of real seems silly to other people. I think that's the aspect of Hanson that really inspired me and encouraged me when I was younger and has been absent since they've been absent. They wrote and talked about being young and awkward in a really honest way. They weren't afraid of being themselves even after they were a million times famous. In fact, they're known for really being kind of rigid about things being done the way they want it, without interference... sometimes to their detriment. But, whatever, more power to them -- they seem to have turned out pretty well and remain centered. They still have an ongoing career after more than a decade that isn't totally redundant, plus families (weirdly). That's amazing! I can't even say so much for myself.
I also like how they have managed to continue almost everything they started when the band was born, including the Hanson Hotline which apparently now exists in podcasts. I wonder if I could still call that number... what was it?? 918 446 1979? ... I don't remember. Freaky.
Just as Zac Hanson's birthday passes me by...
I'm beginning to see how silly most phases of my life have been. It's kind of a yucky feeling, but I guess everyone goes through it. It's mostly become apparent to me through other people who are now existing in places where I once existed... some of them further back, some more recent. I hope one day I can revisit it all without all the histrionics. I have such an enormous paper trail behind me. I wonder what it would be like to crack some of those notebooks from high school when I used to write fiction and see what I was thinking about. I used to write the same scenes over and over obsessively, filling notebook after notebook. I don't know why I stopped, I just did. I don't write like that anymore. Then again, the sheer volume of things I used to juggle, all at the same time, that I don't at all anymore amazes me.
I wonder if it would answer some of the questions that plague me now.
I keep imagining this time in my life, when things finally slow down, when I will get a chance to take inventory of my life. If things could even slow down long enough for me to pick through this livejournal to create a notebook of reasonably worthwhile writing, that would be amazing. What is it with me needing so badly to see something tangible come out of my life? I just want hard copies. Compilations. Website portfolios. Things that somehow culminate all the work I've done up to this point. The work is so beyond my comprehension, I can't seem to focus on it. So I guess the only thing I can do is continue to make work and worry about cohesion for a time in my life when I'm able to see what it is I'm doing.
I worry about being left behind. I'm not so concerned about my career but in my personal work, which of course if I can ever figure it out, would one day hopefully be my career. I just don't want to get so far away from it that I never come back. It's important to me that I have my own projects and that I finish them. I have not finished a single project to my satisfaction, excepting one worthwhile school project (which was my piece on women in the martial arts), since the Opus. I remember how I was when I was a kid -- I was absolutely hell bent on doing things in such a specific manner, finishing everything, testing all avenues. It's the only reason I'm good at anything I do. With age I've learned to loosen up, but now I'm too loose. So back to middle ground.
I hope I am able to find more time to myself soon. I've been in Connecticut two hours and I already feel much more relaxed. And nostalgic, of course. I miss these smells and this place, but I'm finally starting to see how I don't really belong here. I think I was born of here and that the best parts of it are a part of me. The earth, seclusion, quiet, freedom, the way isolation and boredom forces you to create your life. I really see it that way and saw it that way when I was a kid growing up on the farm with the horses and the goats and the cats and having so much time on my hands to learn every secret and every nook so much that I still remember it, vividly. I miss that meticulousness. That need, that is inherent in me, to take things to every edge and know them as I know my own fingerprint.
By being by myself, I learned how to see the world.
I really miss my solitude. Not my solitude, but the way solitude forced me to know myself. I've always been in control of my life in the past. I've always been able to keep up with the wheel as it turns. Lately, longer than lately, I've just been swept under. I'm not much of a sea person. I never learned how not to drown in the undertow. Is that a shitty metaphor?
David was so right about this when we were talking the other night. As kids we know exactly what is going on and then suddenly we're thrust out into society with all these rules and expectations and we come completely undone. It's nothing to be afraid of, I suppose. So long as there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and there always is. He was right, also, about the fact that the people who have met us at our worst and still accept us are the only ones worth keeping around. Well, it was something like that.
This clarity reminds me of the way I felt in 2003. Longing and striving. I haven't felt like this in years.
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[29 Jun 2009|08:05pm] |
Oh man, I don't even know where to begin.
Okay, so I never remember what I post in here and rather than go back and check, I'm just going to repeat myself (maybe).
So if I said that we were going to work on a farm in Rhode Island- that is no more. The lady started out being super-awesome friendly and would respond to my e-mails everyday, well now all of a sudden she's been very shady and not getting back to me with any of the questions that I have. Hmph.
But! I will not be discouraged. Today I called Blackberry Meadows farm in Natrona Heights, PA. A farm based about 30 minutes from Pittsburgh. She basically told me that Ryan and I were just the people she was looking for. People who would want there starting September 1st. We will talk more, but so far, she said it is a definite, as long as I am comfortable with everything. I'm so excited. I know that farm work is hard work and is often over-romanticized by people, but seriously, work isn't important to me unless I'm dirty and sore by the end of the day. That's why I've loved all of my outdoor jobs; no offense to anyone, but an office job could never be my thing... and this housekeeping job. NO WAY. I hate it. The only good part about it is interacting with my residents. Otherwise, it is the pits- plus I work with a bunch of stupid assholes and I'd prefer to work with people who knew how to spell/speak without having to say "fuck" for every other word.
I recently started doing Kundalini Yoga and it makes me feel amazing. Rarely ever can I deal with watching one of those ridiculous yoga videos with the even more ridiculous instructors, but this one is different. It really helps me when I come home tired and stressed from my 8-hour day in the shithole. As opposed to the more traditional "just sitting" yoga, this yoga has me moving and waking up my body. It kicks my ass some days and I just want to quit because I use muscles that I forgot about, but I seriously feel awesome when I'm done. I really recommend it.
We went to the Celtic Fling at the Renaissance Faire the other day. I didn't enter the freckle competition this time. I was too busy eating Haggis and being shy. We wandered around and that was that. Ryan also picked on my because most of the highland games (actually all of them) consisted of picking up heavy things and throwing them. He makes fun of the Irish for their brute strength. So I picked him up and threw him like a javelin. I didn't really, but I should.
We spent the weekend at Sarah and Joey's. Friday night we sat out and drank by the fire. Saturday night we did the same but this time camped out in Carrie's yard, made fun of Martha (including me giving her family the middle finger through the window because I'm rad) and we played beer pong outside. It's been a good weekend. I was so excited from Sunday's strenuous activity that I fell asleep at 7:30pm and didn't wake up until I had to be up at 5am for work today.
I'm pretty satisfied with things. LOVE!
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[29 Jun 2009|07:53pm] |
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Anyone know anything about Natrona Heights, PA?
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| Almost ready... |
[29 Jun 2009|09:17am] |
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mood |
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aggravated/sleepless |
] |
I have the weirdest sleep here. It always feels like I've actually been awake the entire night. I toss, turn, wake up a hundred times, and then someone starts a jack hammer first thing in the morning just when you thought that there was nothing left in the neighborhood to jack hammer.
Good news is I might make it on time to work for once.
Goodbye Boston! Good riddance!
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| Addendum |
[28 Jun 2009|07:20pm] |
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mood |
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thoughtful |
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I wrote an email earlier about this and was finding a good way to articulate it succinctly and instead found this quote from Nelson Mandela on my friend's Facebook profile that says it for me.
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
I have made a vow to never allow other people to make me feel that I need to temper myself so that they can be more comfortable in my presence.
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[28 Jun 2009|06:00pm] |
ArtSales is a another new community developed to spread the word on discouted commissions and special limited time offers. We are only for the promotion of these special commissions, so please refrain from posting any full price art! We hope that this community will assist artist sale their expertise as well as help those of you looking for art to get a great deal!
Please spread the word and help us get started!
artsalesartsalesartsalesartsalesartsales
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| Once I scrawled this on my mirror... |
[28 Jun 2009|03:26pm] |
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mood |
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something someone said, years ago |
] |
| [ |
music |
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River - Joni Mitchell |
] |
I am a fantastic and mysterious person who deserves to get anything she wants.
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| Polaroid badges! For AC and mailed! |
[28 Jun 2009|11:14am] |
Hey all! This is cross-posted from my FA journal:
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/804765/
I need to scrape together more money for AC, so I'm offering a few slots for a new kind of badge. :)
These ones are meant to look like someone took a snap of your character with a Polaroid camera and then scrawled your name on the picture with a marker. :)
The only example I have is not worksafe, but you get the idea:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/2398785
That's shown a bit bigger than life size. Comes laminated with a slot at the top. I can ship for $2 extra or just hand it over to you if you're going to AC. :)
$35, payment in advance, PayPal only. Please note me with your refs and then send payment to super_jocey at hotmail.com. Slots are reserved when payment is received.
Five slots!
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Thanks for lookin'! If you want to help but you're po' (I feel your pain!), please point other people in my direction. <3
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| HI I'M NEW! |
[27 Jun 2009|10:17am] |
I don't know if people still read these places, but I have started a story and have been looking for a few more readers. Anyone interested, please go to museseatbrains and check out the entry there, take a second to let all of the understanding sink in or what have you, comment, and all that such. It's a pretty basic story, here's the summary I post on all of my chapters.
Title: It Started With A Letter
Progress: 2/?
Pairing: Asexual at the moment
Rating: PG-PG13 for now
Notes: UA, which is my preferred variety of fanfiction. This does not have a pairing per se, yet, but I do keep a standard in playing with slash and hancest. Just your warning here people!!!
Summary: Zac has been adjusting to life away from his hectic large household, in a small apartment downtown, whenever he's surprised one day with a letter that uproots the life in which he'd begun settling.
I've only got two chapters posted so far. I'll be putting more up within the next few days, but I'm a little pressed for time right now haha. Thanks for your time!! X-POSTED HEAVILY.
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| Ready to return to the world. |
[27 Jun 2009|03:29am] |
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mood |
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 sleepy |
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It seems like nobody writes anymore. But that's just probably because I unfriended 150 people over a year ago in some reactionary bout of depression and paranoia. I guess I can change that anytime I want now.
I feel like I've had some kind of revelation the past few days, who knows how long it will last. I guess in being humbled I've discovered the truth of matters again. When I was younger I used to see everything for what it was and as I've aged it's gotten harder and harder to see. I think I've kept myself isolated because I've known things have been out of hand. Truthfully, I felt ashamed about that and resentful. But, also, I needed time to look more closely at my own faults.
Some time ago a friend once said of me that she admired me because I wasn't afraid to tell anyone anything about my life. I'd never really thought of this as something particularly outstanding and it really stuck in my mind. Especially when that very trait started to backfire on me and I wondered if it is was some kind of horrific flaw. Given it's such a huge part of who I am, the only way to really defend myself against it was by holing myself up.
I grew up in a family with secrets and things you never said. Maybe as a reaction to that, I've become this secretless person to all of my friends. For years, it seemed like everyone I met in this city was so terrified of who they are that they had a mask for every situation. The emotional manipulation of it just becomes too much.
I don't wear a mask. There are very few things that you can say about me to just about anyone that I'll be embarrassed by. I mean, I'd prefer if you didn't blurt out in front of my parents that I do drugs or tell everyone in Soo Bahk Do about how drunk I was last Saturday with my tits hanging out while making out with a bunch of gay men. But even all that is okay to a point. I'm not going to act like someone I'm not. For anyone.
I guess I've just been thinking a lot about my identity in relationship to the other things and people in my life. Who am I? Why am I? What role do I play? I realized there are a lot of things that have shaped me that I had always taken for granted. The way I dealt with my life when I was a kid keeping secrets.
I keep coming back to this idea of false reality. Most of life isn't real, it's just a structure we all feed into because it's easier. The challenge is make your own structure, of course, and most people never really succeed -- or want to. Life is whatever you want it to be, people prove that over and over. You have to be tenacious and good at what you do. If you have that, then you can do anything, really.
I use Soo Bahk Do because it's the best example, but it really applies to everything. There is a level of professionalism and a level of realism. I realized that the thing about me is that I'm not really afraid of what people might find out about me. You could dig up some pretty good dirt, I'm sure, since half of it is on the internet anyway, but of what consequence is it? I'm a decent person, I don't hurt people, and my lifestyle choices rarely stray far from my belief system. I think I look at people with an even eye. I'm always willing to give the benefit of the doubt and negotiate and have the capacity for patience that outlasts global warming.
I guess all I'm trying to say is that I'm coming around. I've finally cut all of the bullshit out of my life and suddenly things are much clearer. I'm pretty okay with who I am. I'm a real person.
I can see exactly what's happening all around me.
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| Spacey Badges for Spacey Furs! |
[25 Jun 2009|11:22pm] |
Hi!
It's almost one week til Anthrocon and some of you have yet to get any badges. Oh no! Whatever will you do? Well, you're in luck because I'm offering conbadges that will be ready for pick up at AC! Just look me up in the Dealer's Room under Forgotten in Reality Studios.
I'm offering two types of badges. Both are approximately 3 x 4 inches and will come with a badge holder, as well as badge clips. (But if people would prefer lanyards, be sure to let me know so I can buy some for you).
First type of badge I'm offering you can have your character dressed up as any Sci-Fi themed character! These badges are done completely in prismacolour pencils and you can choose to have the name showing or omitted. These badges run at about $25. Examples are below:
( Read more... )
Second type of badge is a bit more simpler and a bit cheaper. I call them cutesy badges, and they are mostly done in prismacolor pencils and markers. These badges I'm now offering at $10 each, that's 5 bucks lower from what I usually ask for them. Again examples are below:
( Read more... )
I prefer payments to be made via Paypal, but since this is mostly for people attending AC, I will also accept cash payments if you are picking it up. Those of you who are okay with paying me in advance, you can send your payments via paypal to vampirewriter (at) hotmail (dot) com. Also, that address is a good place to send descriptions of the character you would like on your badge :3
Thanks for checking my stuff out and I will hopefully see a few of you at Anthrocon!
-SabreKitty
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| Decisions, decisions |
[25 Jun 2009|09:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 surprised |
] |
The pressure is on to sign my lease. I'm still feeling a little bit torn, but given today's good spirits I'm feeling more inclined to stay on than not. I'm having a hard time deciding which is the proper plan of action as I am afraid of perpetuating a cycle of misery... though hoping things will look up.
I started training for the promo director position at my job today and the past few days working with David have been much improved. It feels like, finally, things are falling into place. Of course, the moment I start receding, right?
So I guess after some thinking I want to resign, or move to another place in the neighborhood where I will be able to have more peace. Though on the scheme of things, it seems silly to do that and if I am staying in the city I may as well suck it up and deal with it. Laundry is close by, rent is good, we have a porch and a nice kitchen, I could potentially park my car here if ever I get the money for a car, and plus moving costs money money money money. Other locations with similar price range are further from the T, which doesn't altogether bother me since I feel like I don't communicate with the T as much as I used to anyway (I've been riding buses since I moved here -- been months since I've even used the train), but I know Tim needs to get to school and the walk to Central from here to take the 1 to our respective Back Bay locations is just long enough to be sorta long, but short enough to not take the bus. Much further and the commute will take much more time. In the end, the things that appeal about this apartment seem to outweigh the stuff that really sorta sucks. Especially on my budget.
I mean, I guess I can move anytime. Breaking a lease never killed anyone. And maybe it will help me to make a plan for the next year. Plan my exit strategy. I was just writing to Laura in the longest email ever that I really want things to just settle down so I can reset and get back to Normal Me. The indecision is in whether I can healthily do that here, or whether it would be better for me to hide out at home for a bit. Right now, it's too hard to tell.
It just doesn't feel like the right time to leave quite yet. Even though a part of me really wants to. I feel like I have to stick it out for just a little bit longer. I've been thinking about trying to make it so I have more time to go home and go to New York and do other things outside the city so I don't feel so stuck and tied down all of the time. I also want to try and get out more... I've recently become aware of a lot of the cooler things that go on around here, especially in Cambridge, and I want to stop being so sleepy and start taking part. Beyond that, I'm finally making friends with people at work.
I don't know. I guess I have my answer. I think the only thing I really need to focus on in overcoming depression. I'm all motivated all of a sudden again. This is my normal self. I need to keep this equilibrium instead of riding the wave...
Anyway, I'm going for a bike ride so I gotta get my self together...
I can't believe Michael Jackson died. AND Farrah Fawcett.
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| Trying to sort through today's layers of feeling. |
[25 Jun 2009|03:38am] |
| [ |
mood |
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sleepy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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A Song To Sing - Hanson |
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Does anyone remember when Taylor sang "A Song to Sing" in Philadelphia in 2004? It's one of those moments of my life that went undocumented, that I'm always trying to express. The intangibles. They're so rare, those moments, and they always seem to happen far away from cameras or notepads or people with the right words... I have a whole list of them. I like to review it from time to time.
1. When I was in high school, shortly after I moved into Gloccamorra with my Mom, a tornado came through our town. Which, in Connecticut, never happens. It was nothing special, just a spray of especially bad thunder, wind, and hail. My Mom and I went to hide down in the basement and I remember the wind blowing through the broken windows.
The storm was done quickly and we went outside in the yard, which was now full of piles of golf ball sized hail. I'd never seen such a thing before.
Not too long after, the sun was out again and my Dad picked me up to go to Soo Bahk Do. We took the back way. The weather was warm. The hail had begun to melt and against the heat, was letting off steam. My Dad and I were driving through this thick mist and could hardly see two feet in front of us, but it was sunny, so the rays were drawing lines through the trees. The road was covered over in leaves blown off by the storm and the trees canopied the road. It was one of the most unbelievable things I've ever seen. Not too long before it, I'd had a dream where I saw nearly this exact vision. We were in another world.
He asked me if I wanted to go back and get my camera and I said no. I kick myself, sometimes. But a camera would have changed what we saw. It would have never been the same. I captured this photo several hours after the fact. Most of the mist had cleared by then and the sun was going down.
2. I was at my first Soo Bahk Do Nationals in New Jersey 2002. We got horribly lost on our way to dinner, trying to maneuver jug handles and terrible directions given to us by the hotel we were staying at, and ended up in Weehawken staring at the Hudson, Jersey side, at the Manhattan skyline.
Whatever Restaurant we were at ended up being some black tie affair and none of us were dressed for it, so we were standing in the parking lot figuring out what our next step should be. A storm was gathering over the hill and the sky along the Jersey shoreline was black. It was dusk and still sunny in Manhattan. Dark enough that lights were going on in the buildings. Lightning cracked right down the middle of the river, a huge fucking bolt. Then it started to pour. Buckets of rain. We were soaked to the skin by the time we reached our car.
3. The day I graduated high school, Cat, Wesley and I went down to New York for some crazy Edwards family dinner. We rode back with Cat's family, I remember sitting in the middle, Wesley on my left, Cat on my right. I remember thinking that this was more awesome, by far, than anything else I could have done on graduation night. For some reason, all three of us came back to my place and when we pulled onto my road we were engulfed with blinking green lights. My Mom came out and we turned off the porch lights. The whole street was full of fireflies. Thousands and thousands and thousands of fireflies.
It was magic. Truly.
4. The summer of 2007. I'm feeling fucked up. Ben and I broke up for the last time. A synapse had exploded in my brain later that night when I smoked this pot that made me start tripping and Ellie had to hold my hand the whole walk down the train tracks we'd followed for miles into the woods. The next night, my Mom cooked dinner and Wesley came by. A thunderstorm was starting so Wesley used it as an excuse to duck out. We drove up to Town Line Road, a spot in my town that has views for miles. My Mom says that on a clear day you can see New York.
We got mind bendingly high and watched the lightning. No rain, just amazing lightning for miles.
Wesley said that he'd never do acid, because drugs like that change you forever.
5. Summer of 2006. I'm out to a party until 5am and I drive home in the mist. As I come over the bridge, I pass by a handful of kids. They jump right as I go by. I sit in a park and "Hide and Seek" whispers out of my speakers. It's the loneliest moment of my life.
6. A moment of celebration. Cat and I spent ten hours sleeping in train stations and stepping over other backpackers as we went from car to car to car looking for a space -- anywhere -- to lay down. In the morning we met yet another train, a bus, then a Gondola to the most amazing place in the Swiss Alps. Two days of hiking, two nights of drinking an obscene amount of wine with hostel people.
There's a blind kid playing an out of tune piano, just jamming away, fists punching whatever seems right. Other people drum on tables or play guitar or throw requests at him. Someone says, "Let it Be!" I'm too drunk to know what is going on, and no one is paying particular attention. We're all exhausted after several very involved rounds of Set. When the opening chords make their way under his fingers it only takes one person to start a verse before the whole room begins singing.
Up until that point in the trip, I'd been so lonely. I still talk to some of the people I met that night.
Above the bed I slept in at that hostel someone wrote, "THERE ARE NO IMPOSSIBLE DREAMS, ONLY OUR LIMITED PERCEPTION OF WHAT IS POSSIBLE."
7. Last year at Bonnaroo, Sigur Ros played a set. It was one of the few shows I've ever been to in my life (others include Joanna Newsom and select Hanson shows) where the crowd and the band were completely connected. They were playing "Se Lest." Slow moving and silent. The brass creeps in the background. Suddenly, out marches a brass band in full marching band garb, like they are the festival. The moment, the timing, everything, is so perfect that the crowd response is almost reflexive. My heart burst out of my chest.
This is actually captured here.
8. It was so cold the winter of 2003. The ice drifts were two feet thick in the river, breaking up, overflowing.
9. I don't remember anything about the night. What we did, if I had more than a little bit of wine.
The light in the room was yellow. His eyes were blue. I can't remember how it felt, except that I cried and cried and scrambled out of my skin. He looked at me like I've never been seen before. Wrinkled brow, parted lip. Completely fearless.
...
I was looking at pictures of my sister today and wondering why I never look as natural and easy as she does. Her hair does things mine doesn't do. She's much smaller and more feminine without trying (and she doesn't). I wish I could look and be more like her. She's successful and a master at the things she does. She always travels and lives wherever she wants. She isn't afraid of things like I am. She just focuses on one thing and succeeds. None of this waffling and thinking.
I've been thinking about commitment.
I'm faced with a decision I've been putting off for some time now. Have I ever really made decisions? Or have I just let the wave take me? Or not, when I am too sleepy. When it's too hard to decide.
Never thought of myself as a commitmentphobe, but in this hour of my life, it's true. I am. Even taking this vacation was a battle between what I actually want and my fearful misery. In spite of it all, my employers are still acting surprised.
What does commitment mean in my life right now?
To finish this entry.
Get a Massachusetts ID. Register my car. Open a bank account. Stop putting my Connecticut address down as my permanent address when it's not.
Or go home. Make money. Travel.
Move to New York.
Shut the door. And lock it. On the thing you want most but will never have.
Own an instrument.
Plan to test.
Quit your job. Quit your job. Quit your job.
Commit to kissing.
Get the food stamps. And the free health care. And the depression medication.
Get to work on time.
Finish a project. Finish all of the projects.
Let go.
Because there's no use in holding out for things when all of the best things in life are fleeting.
Leave.
I WANT to stop TALKING about it.
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| Yuck. |
[24 Jun 2009|10:47pm] |
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soggy |
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What is this weather? Why is it still 40 freaking degrees? Why is it not raining but yet everything is wet? WHYYYYYYYY?
Man I am exhausted.
I blew off my therapist today because I slept through my alarm and woke up halfway through my appointment and I feel guilty. :(
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| Need some help, Commission me please! |
[24 Jun 2009|02:10pm] |
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Hey everyone,
I need to come up with about $80 by the 12th of July to make our car insurance payment and have little to rely on but my art commissions to come up with it in time. I know it's been a while since I offered any Bandanna Badges and this time around I am offering a real steal.
A standard/neck bandanna badges (Styles A and C) usually runs $15 but until July 10th, They will only be $12 each(includes shipping)
Or 2 bandanna badges for $20(must me shipped to same address)
To get a better explaintion of above styles veiw description here: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/1093462/ (Info sheet for bandanna badges.)
Here are some of my finished bandanna badges:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/1298389/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/979402/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/979376/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/979414/
Payments must be sent via paypal. I try to give a choice of bandanna color, but my inventory is a bit limited at the moment so please be understanding.
Bandanna badges and my digital 600X600 pixel pieces(starting at only $6) are the only commissions I'm going to be taking until I have enough for my insurance. I would really appreciate the help, thanks a lot guys ^_^
~StarKitty
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| This post was going to be longer but I'll just leave you with this... |
[24 Jun 2009|02:38am] |
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Yesterday someone asked me, "What does it feel like to be penetrated in your vagina?" Those exact words. While fishing for an answer to that question, sincere or otherwise, the only reasonable response seemed to be, "Are you flirting with me?"
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| Stuff and stuff... |
[23 Jun 2009|04:44pm] |
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mood |
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Been a good couple of days. Taught myself some new hoop tricks last night then Tim came home and we built a fort out of the couch cushions and cuddled. After he went to bed I came online to check Facebook and ended up having a really in depth 2+ hr Facebook chat conversation with Ben.
Needless to say I was wicked late for work today, but it was a good day and nobody seems to notice anyway. I was told that I'm probably covering for Promo Director soon which means $$ =D And then I got in a fun conversation about the trials and tribulations of applying to conservatories with one of my coworkers. It was nice to talk to someone who legitimately understands how stressful, painful, and overly involved the process is. It's weird to think that when I was seventeen the stakes were so much higher just to get an education. Hilariously, I remember when I applied for college the second time I thought the process was absurdly easy, got into NYU with no problem and like... I just wondered what the fuck all the kids in my class in high school worried about! Going to college is like the easiest thing in the world, minus financial burden.
And I remember the first semester I had at Emerson, what a relief it was, to NOT HAVE CLASS twelve hours a day and then have to practice for four and THEN have to do homework. Ha! It was super easy until suddenly I had to finish my BFA in two years which gave me one summer of relaxation (and heartbroken misery) and two straight years of hellish all nighters, but so it goes. No wonder I'm so burnt out now... My work ethic up until this point has been total overkill. It's easy when you're in the rhythm of working, all of the time, to continue that rhythm. I've always been a busybody. People wonder how one manages to excel at so many things at once... well, the answer is this: Play classical piano your entire life and everything else will feel like leisure.
Bleh. I've lived a full life up until this point, so I guess I shouldn't be so down on myself all the time. I've accomplished a lot, even though now I'm out of practice on all fronts -- even my writing is starting to sag. I've gotten really good at selling things (like myself) in writing, but my creative side is suffering. I mean, that's an across the board thing, but with writing its more noticeable because I was so immersed in it not too long ago. Though I think the last semester of school really beat it out of me for a while. I guess I go through phases like that... I'll get so burnt out doing something that I can't even think about having ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT for a really, really, really long time. I can't even pick up a book without feeling vaguely disgusted. It's been a year!
That's the whole problem with burning yourself out. By the time I finished school I was running on empty for 6+ months. My writing was really forced and awful and now I'm just like, "Fuck all that."
Discipline is good for me. I'm a schedule person, at the end of the day. It's hard for me to live this wayward life. If I were moving and wayward, it wouldn't feel so bad because motion has its rhythm, but it's the stagnant wayward I'm troubled by.
I am so beyond exhausted. Don't get enough time to myself ever. Gotta pull together a decent class tonight (then survive Dan class) and then my friend Cory is cooking me dinner. Yay free dinner!
Lately it's not the physical endurance I lack, it's mental. I think I'm in the process of Wow I Can't Work 3+ Jobs Without A Set Schedule, Income, or Predictable Anything Anymore burn out. The list of things I need to do for my own self and career (including sending out some articles) is ridiculously long and long abandoned on top of it.
I need to make a decision or seven. But putting off coming to those decisions until I've had my break. Probably said that before fifteen times on this journal. Can't tell. My memory has been especially poor these recent months.
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| Portfolios & such |
[23 Jun 2009|01:05pm] |
I was just wondering - I've wanted to participate in a portfolio for a while (like the pin-up portfolio, or the endangered animals card set, etc), but the only time I find out about them is too late.
Are they invite only? If not, how can I find out about them while they're still accepting artists?
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| One Week Til Super Hippie Fest Mania |
[22 Jun 2009|08:40pm] |
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mood |
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 cheerful |
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Checking out Rothbury music right now since I'm not crazy familiar with the line up. Some of it is pretty cool... a lot of it just sounds like Hippie Jam WTF to me... But they got some cool shit going on, plus it'll be awesome to see The Dead -- as much as I never went the jam route, The Dead is nostalgic. Whenever I imagine the perfect summer day I imagine sitting on the grass, listening to The Grateful Dead, smoking copious amounts of pot. How can you not? Is that not what they're about?
Last year at Bonnaroo I was in a similar situation... not knowing much of the line up (though I knew substantially more, if only vaguely), and I came away with a lot of new bands... so, I'm sure it will be the same this time. The funnest shows were actually bands I had never even heard of before... Battles... Gogol Bordello was for sure a HUGE highlight. Sigur Ros was like the whole purpose of my festival experience and was definitely my favorite show but... Death Cab, eh (isn't that how Death Cab always reads?) Raconteurs, Eh. Fiery Furnaces were fun and Rilo Kiley and Ben Folds and all that, I was just like... la la la... but then I LOVED Ladytron because it was just this awesome electronic shit... I think I learned at Bonnaroo that enjoying music at a festival is not always equal to the music you would enjoy seeing in concert. I feel like the more free form the better. I found myself having a hard time getting into bands that were playing my favorite tunes. Maybe in part because I had no desire to squeeze my sticky, exhausted self through a crowd to get a more intimate view of the band. I just didn't have that kind of attention span with everything else going on, really...
So, in short, it's hard to tell by listening on youtube what I'm going to really be into and what I'm not going to give a shit about. I've already ticked off a few definites, but with all this jammy music ... stuff like that just falls flat in a 3 minute youtube video.
If the goal is to dance for four days, then I am totally set. And if I can bring myself to not be insanely stoned at 8AM, maybe I'll actually do yoga, too. Haha. I'm totally bringing my hula hoop even though I'm TERRIBLE AT IT compared to everyone else who will be hooping... Maybe someone will teach me some new tricks. I've gotten good at isolations and can actually chest hoop now! Amazing. Tim said I was really good but that's just because even his most aggressive hip gyrations can't get the thing to stay up consistently ;)
I'm really psyched for all the late night sets. The forest. Tripping on acid for four days... and, of course, going on a really fun road trip with awesome people! I'm so psyched that Ellie and I are going on a trip together again since we've been friends forever but we've both been so out of whack in the past few years that even seeing each other randomly it's like... Bitch about work, get stoned, drink coffee, fall asleep. It's been ages since I've had the opportunity to take my friendships to new places like I used to when I was a teenager. It'll be a really fun thing to do together now that I'm out of school finally! I know, of course, that it's my rhythm of being completely boring that has made my life so much less spontaneous and full of the new and random shit I usually do... but this will be a good thing for me, I think, to bust out of monotony for a bit. Maybe I'll start going out more again when I get back and start generating... A LIFE!
That all being said, I've decided to postpone any decisions I need to make about jobs, moving, and other life stuff until I've spent this time away from the city. Maybe I just need a break. I've been running ragged -- zero motivation to do any work AT ALL left in me... And I've started to drink more regularly, which is weird for me. I mean, I'm not drinking crazy amounts but... still. I'm ready to take a serious mental health break. I love the idea of driving 1000 miles away, turning off my cell phone, and not having to worry about SHIT but what I'm going to be listening to for four entire days. Not a bad way to spend some vacation time... honestly.
The more I think about it, the less I regret missing roo this year. I'm sure it was a fantastic awesome time, but next year's line up will probably be just as awesome and Rothbury is going to be amazing and so far the weather looks great and the company will be awesome... so who cares!!!
Yay.
Plus, Tim is in town. Yay2! I was talking to him today and he was saying that his Mom always asks about me... which is adorable. I love Tim's Mom!!! I totally owe him (and myself) and NYC visit. His building has a pool! NYC is awesome and I haven't been in YEARS. Maybe if I can get my ass on the Chinatown bus for a weekend or whatever I can actually recall what it was about New York that made me want to stay there, and if it's still true.
So... yeah. Time to drink some whiskey and/or listen to music and/or ... whatever.
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| Lake of Gods |
[22 Jun 2009|04:54pm] |
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mood |
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 good |
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My short story, "Lake of Gods", is now up at the Daily Tourniquet. It's free to read, and you can do so by clicking here.
I wrote this story a couple of months after Sephera Giron's wedding. I had such a great time at the wedding, but it was the town where it took place that inspired me. Port Credit is such a beautiful town I had to see if I could corrupt it somehow. This was the result.
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| this is the video that gets people annoyed, guaranteed! |
[22 Jun 2009|02:56pm] |
(DID ANYONE NOTICE THE FLY SURVIVED) president obama fighting a protesting fly that happened to be flying near-by...a conspiratorial assassination of the third kind before it had a chance to speak its truth.
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[22 Jun 2009|02:06pm] |
I'm completely astounded at the lack of brains that my co-workers have.
"My doctor told me that it is completely healthy and normal to only have 3 periods a year."
Oh really? Then why do all of the birth control methods that only let you bleed a couple times a year have bad side affects?
No offense to anyone that uses whatever birth control crap, but if you believe that, you may or may not (I guess) be a tard.
Okay, I'm being an asshole because I'm bored.
Suck it.
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